Don’t be afraid of hiking alone, or snakes, or icy patches, or any of the other vague terrors conjured and then dismissed in this hilarious, horrible, brilliantly insultingly dumb, soul-crushingly smug sucker-punch to the cojones. DO be afraid that this gooey ordure is from the once-flagship journal of the once-intellectual metropolis of America’s West Coast.

The Singularity must have tracked my interests (hiking, Yosemite, men?) and come up with this, in fact, pushed it at me all over the Internets, dangled it several times before my lazy-swimming eyes. SFGate? That’s the old Chronicle, right…? Patient Reader, I clicked!

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This is journalism? This is even…advertising? Is this written by a bot? What is this? Democracy requires an alert, inquiring Fourth Estate. I share this for the laugh, but…seriously, folks, ….what do we do now?